As anyone who has ever played a game of DnD knows, it’s a role-playing game of team effort, cooperation, and continuation. And for the game to work as intended, the communications channels must remain open.
Now, disagreeing with a friend from your party on whether to go to the cave on your right or try to walk down a path in the woods to the left is common, and you decide that through the scope of your characters. If one character is persuasive enough, he can influence others and get them to go their way.
On the other hand, if you disagree with your DM about some in-game mechanics, rules, etc., it’s a totally different thing and needs to be adequately addressed.
I’ve had a ton of arguments with DMs and players in my time (since I’ve played both roles), and I think that some conclusions I’ve drawn from those situations can help. Before anything, they will assist you in improving your relationship with your DM and help everyone develop healthy table manners.
Player Disagreeing with the DM?
First, you should make a difference between various disagreements you can have with your DM. If your quarrel is unrelated to the game, then you should deal with it when you are not playing and not bring it into the campaign and ruin the game for everybody else.
If it’s a rules thing, there are a couple of ways you can solve it. One of the most common reasons for an argument with DM is when they deviate from some of the official rules.
I’ve been in numerous situations where some people like to play the game RAW (Rules as written) while others expect it to be RAI (Rules as intended) or RAF (rules as fun).
Now, your DM should note to everyone how your sessions will look before you even embark on your DnD journey and clarify if the game will deviate from the original rules.
If your DM didn’t say this in the beginning and then announced in the middle of the campaign that some features of the game can’t be used, you have the full right to protest. At that moment, ask him to clarify all unofficial things he will be incorporating into your adventure.
However, if he has noted all important facts at the start of your campaign, and now someone just doesn’t like it, or wishes to interpret a rule differently, then it’s back to rule zero of DnD – the DM is always right. It doesn’t mean that the DM will not allow you to make a change, but the decision rests solely on them at that point.
Even though it can sound like a totalitarian solution, the “DM is always right” rule makes a lot of sense. It is there so that lengthy rule debates that would prolong the game for everyone could be avoided, and everyone could do what they came to do – play!
So, if you are worried that your DM will have some rule interpretations that don’t make sense to you, make sure to straighten that out before the campaign even begins.
DM Disagreeing with a Player?
From a DM’s point of view, things are a lot different, and the argument approach should be much more lenient. Picture it like this: When you are a DM, you are like a mini-god.
As a DM, you can’t tell players exactly what to do and when, but you are the creator of the whole setup in which they are playing. Every move you make, even the smallest of changes you make, can have a big impact on their gameplay, and you can’t anticipate them all.
It would be best if you had consideration for players being mad in a situation where their characters are suffering and almost dying from a poison gas you introduced in the secret dungeon they accidentally stepped in.
It would help if you nurtured a diplomatic and open personality.
Try to empathize with everyone, see their point of view, and present to them how the situation looks from where you’re standing. This will allow for a better mutual understanding and, in the end, reduce arguments and disagreements.
More than once, I’ve seen situations where things have gotten out of hand, and players even abandoned the game for what was a simple miscommunication problem that wasn’t resolved right.
Remember: You’re All Friends!
Whether you’re a player or a DM, it’s important to always speak your mind. If something that bothers you happens and you don’t communicate it well or at all, chances are that similar situations will repeat in the future.
Straightforward communication that will perhaps sometimes make you feel awkward is always the best way to go, as it will prevent bigger dissatisfactions from building up and exploding.
In the end, you’re all friends, and you’re all in the game to have a good time, so don’t be afraid to mention that as well when in dispute.
